If not otherwise stated, all of these quotes are mine. If they have a name associated with them, then the quote is by that person on the given date. The dates are accurate as best I can,  but if it says (ish) then I know more or less when it was, so its only accurate to a few days plus or minus.

[Moved from homepage.mac.com, because Apple is making that go away... :’( ]

"If there's one, there's two. If there's two, there's more."

Some time in early 2005

“Dude, how can I step into someone else’s shoes if the shoes don't fit?”

-Leah February 2007

"It's only flesh and blood..I mean it's not REALLY important!"

080507

“I actually learn quite a lot from my own ideas! :D”

-Leah March 2008

“Little Techie boy, get naked!” -Natalie (might have been Gwen)

“Pourquoi?” -Me

“Pourquoi PAS?” -Gwen

07 May 2008

"Never dump a musician. They'll end up writing a song about you, making millions, and then you'll wonder why you dumped him."

070808

"Imma comb you!"

070908

"Life sized chocolate ponys would be very difficult to eat..."

070908

“I’m so skinny, my skinny jeans aren’t skin tight.”

080208

"I bet I'm crazier than you!"

081008

"Awww... I've got sand in my buttons."

081008

"Ruffle boobs would be weird..."*pause* "Dude...."

-Natalie 081608

"If you don't burn rubber when you stop, you aren't going fast enough."

092008

"Hey, at least I'm not absorbing your face blood with my mouth!"

-Natalie 092508

"I think that people that don't pronounce the H in herb are funny, in a kind of 'Go die in a hole' sort of way."

092608

"It is our faults that define us, for if we were all perfect, we would all be the same"

101108

"I'm more of a 'take the glass, pour out the water, fill it with tequila, and walk away' kinda guy."

110308 [In response to the glass half full/empty question]

"It's normal if you talk to yourself, its not normal if you talk back to yourself."

112008

“The lemonade pressurized, and it’s making gurglie noises.”

112508

“I intend to break physics.”

120308

"No homework is your imaginary friend."

-John B. January 2009 (ish)

"u are my new padawan, if u are into that geeky shit"

-Filiki 020309

"I love you like fire loves oxygen :) <3"

-Natalie 020509

"Stradlater is a narcissistic ho-bag."

021609 (ish)

"I don't even know what this is, but it looks like it could rape someone."

Haley M. 022709

"It's not about who you are, or what you do. It's about how you did it and why."

031809

"God DAMN the world sucks! Lets fix it..."

-Kaitlyn (talking about the invention of beer) 032409

"I'm looking for, essentially, a *cool shit* drawer."

040209

"Ya know, doctors would probably make the best assassins..."

040609

"i wish mcdonalds delivered"

(He then continued to talk about, how that way, he wouldn't have to put on pants...) Sheevah (Aka Chris H.) 040909 (@ like 11 in the morning...)

"(Reading comic... wait, if 'hoe' is short for 'whore', shouldn't it be spelled 'who"??!?!?!?!?!??!??!??!??!??!?WTF?!?!?!?)"

041709

"My parents said I was too pale and made me go outside. I got sunburned. FML."

042709

"If you can, do. If you can't, don't."

050309

"Congratulations, you survived your death sentence, now all you have to do is keep on going."

050409

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

-My mom, on multiple occasions. (Not sure if it was hers originally...)

"Wait, Bob, you were too lazy to wake up, so you just never went to sleep?" (Me)

"Yeah..." (Bob B.) (In physics, not Nïmrod...)

050609

"Dude, I copied off wikipedia, how could I be wrong?"

-Kevin H. (also in physics, mere moments after Bob) 050609

"A picture is worth a thousand words, but a kiss is worth a thousand pictures."

050609

"P.S. I love you"

050609

“You know, being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two verrryy different things.”

-Leah 051609

“Wow, I know I’m a geek, but I’ve never worn a miniskirt before...” Nick (person at SCHS)

“Now you have a goal.” Jeannie

052009

“I don’t think I’ve worn a miniskirt... No wait. Yeah I have...”

052209

“Ugg.. I’m struggling between being totally gay and OCD about this, and not knowing what the fuck I’m doing...”

052209

“Dude, I want static chowder in my head!”

-Kaitlyn 052209

“Can I shit in shotgun?”

-Kaitlyn 052209 (she meant sit...)

“Okay, you’re like, effin’ blue...”

-My Mom (Commenting on how cold I looked) 052309

“W equals work required to blow shit up.”

052709

“Everyone knows that Emos are just dehydrated.”

-Natalie 052709

“Hey, I’m on pain meds, I can’t be responsible for my actions.”

-Sarah K. 052709

“Ya know how I can tell that eight grade is the epitome of immaturity? The penis game...”

052709

“I hate having a wedgie in skinny jeans. It’s almost impossible to fix without taking off your pants.”

052709

“By default, all extra food should go to the person with the lowest BMI. That would be a fun rule...”

052709

“They have a band.. but they really suck... they are always just really really drunk when they practice... I don’t know how to help them...”

-Alexandra 052809

“Yes Camille, but you’re not right in the head.”

052909

“Someone has to make dinner.” My dad

“Someone that isn’t drunk?” Me

“I’m not drunk.” My dad

“Someone thats not you and isn’t drunk?” Me

052909

“Be Nice, you’ll be old one day too.”

-My Dad 052909

“There’s more tuna than your head.”

053009

“Cyber war. Like cyber sex, but less kinky...”

060109

“Meanie butt!” Jill

“Hey! I have a nice butt! ... ... ... wait...” Me

060709

“Don’t be a pussy. We’re staying up all night. You started this.”

061209 @ 0215

“Do as I say, not as I say five minutes ago...”

061409

“I’m too tired to be listened to...” Kaitlyn

“Isn’t that what Teamspeak is for?” Me

061409

“Its like an orgy, but everyone has their clothes on, and they aren’t having sex.”

061509

“Awww, you’re not a girl!”

-Kaitlyn 061509

“Normal people want ‘more bang for their buck’, but prostitutes want more buck for their bang.”

061509

“Thats because my feet aren’t as close to my hands as my fingers are.”

-Kaitlyn 062109

“Go roll in a puddle, or something.”

-Kaitlyn 062309

“It’s a cookie. It doesn’t care.”

062609

“It’s because you’re a boy.”

-Kaitlyn (who still doesn’t know my gender) 062609

“People view the world in light of their own colors.”

-Leah 063009

“EHS: Exploding Head Syndrome”

070109

“nobody who cares is paying attention.”

-Dan 070509

“Stop fluttering within the confines of what others think is and isn’t possible.”

070709

“They’re like eggs with feet!”

-My mom, talking ‘bout bebbah quail 071009

“The second moose I ever shot in my life...”

-Lloyd 071209

“Its Hersheys. It’s made of wax. No matter what you do to it it won’t be healthy.”

072309

“There are few things as enjoyable as going to a family reunion, looking around, and thinking ‘thank god I’m adopted.’ “

072709 (I’m not adopted, and I’m not making fun of my family or anyone else’s family. I just thought of it and thought it was hilarious. :P)

“I shine in the DARK!”

-082009 (August 2nd ’09)

“The nail that stands above the rest gets pounded down.”

-Todd 080209

“You’re not bleeding, so you aren’t dead.”

-Kaitlyn 082109

“Course its authentic! I didn’t do it on purpose.”

082109 (I was talking about my pants...)

<M’kay, I’ve changed the way I write dates now. Day/Month/Year>

“I’m eccentric. Get over it.”

29082009 (you should have seen Maxime’s face when I said that. xD)

“I like to think that you shouldn’t divide by zero, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.”

11092009

“On a scale of one to Clio, you are a banana.”

16092009

“The novelty of having to haul your OWN ass out of the house at seven fifteen IS NOT THERE!”

20102009

“Maybe its not about apologies, just maybe hoping they understand and can give it some time

Just give it time ;)”

-Bethany 06112009

“If you have enough  of the ‘Jesus loves you’, ‘Buddha loves you’ and the like stickers on your car, it just means you’re a whore.”

26112009

“Remember, I’m not a complete idiot. I’m an incomplete idiot.”

-My dad, 29112009

“You can’t believe in me because you’re not real!”

-Nora 16122009

“Wait, I'm wearing clothes right?”

-Chris 19122009

“Econoline my butt. it’s a pedo-van, get over it.”

20122009

“History is just what people recorded. What actually happened is different.”

23122009

“Negative Ridiculous”

-Ame talking about the temperature (via Bethany on 10012010)

“My nipples look especially blue in this light.”

11010110

“I’m tired of soliloquies that don’t make sense.”

13012010

“It tastes of pain.” (Insert lots and lots of hotsauce)(I am so using this in a comic)

17012010

“There is definitely rotation”

-Weatherman 20012010

“Where is my noodle glass?!?”

20012001

“I can shove things into where my hips don’t be.”

-My dad, 20012010

“Il ne me faut fatigue. Beaucoup. Maintanant.”

23012010

“I have no equal because I’m not playing fair.”

25012010

“I’m not cheating, I’m just playing by different rules.”

25012010

“... which is why we should totally move back to medieval england!”

1. -Nora (First Disciple of the Church of Devinolita) 28012010
   

“Don’t mock me, that’s lame.”

-Maxime 31012010

“Speedos is like swimming through a sea of penis.”

-Becky 02022010

“Come on, what other class do you get to play with infinity in?”

08022010 (math, obviously)

“I was raised by women. It’s exactly like being raised by wolves, only different.”

-Dad 10022010

“Aren’t I a god in your religion? So shouldn’t I have holie pants?”

23022010 (talking about cold knees with the First Disciple of the Church of Devinolita)

“This is my secret I show to the world.”

23022010

“Let me just lift up my skirt and see what time it is.”

25022010

“Shouldn’t they be called one night non-stands?”

25022010

“Every day, just remember, tomorrow always comes.”

01032010

“Is it the same syphilis? Or different syphilis...?”

-Riley 05032010

“I’m such a nice person. I wish I was a more violent person...”

-First Disciple of the Church of Devinolita 11032010

“Will trade sexy gender art for cookies!”

11032010

“Sleep and dream, for on the morrow, all things are possible.”

11032010

“It’s not gonna drive me crazy, I’m already crazy, it’s gonna give me a headache.”

18032010

“You have to know the rules before you can break them”

-Nancy Migdall (my english teacher) 01042010

“If I were a tyrannosaurs rex, I would want to eat people.”

17042010

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you're a jedi, then what does kill you makes you invincible."

21042010

“It’s no fun without your battle scars.”

-First Disciple 23042010

“Stop acting like you’re home from college and hungover.”

-Mom 24042010

“We need to play Beatles now. It’s the perfect music to kill people too.”

-Natalie 27042010

“Raisins are the old people of grapes.”

-Tyler F 28042010

“A computer (machine) won’t give you the benefit of the doubt.”

07052010

“It’s magically delicious... and warm.”

-Dawn 20052010

“NO! Where’s my fucking sequin?!”

-Spencer 20052010

“Wearing black and owning fuzzy animals, does. Not. Work.”

21052010

“Safety third”

-Burning Man Saying

“I like your pants” -Fiona

“I like wearing pants.” -Dawn

26052010

“Hey Devin, there's carbohydrates and fat in here..."

-My dad 31052010

“No, I’m just better friends with wind than you are.”

05062010

“No, no. They have laws in Texas too.”

-Forrest 17 June 201

“I’ve already done the impossible, why should I stop now?”

05 July 2010

“If you sleep past ten it’s you responsibility to deal with breakfast. Period.”

-Mom 10 July 2010

“Tempting fate: microwaving butter it it’s wax paper instead of in a bowl.”

05 Aug 2010

“I qwirkled a rainbow!”

14 Aug 2010

“Don’t doubt my doubting abilities.”

-Jeremy 14 Aug 2010

“All the guys here are either taken or gay.” -Tori

“What about us?” -Me

“You guys don’t count.” -Tori

20 Aug 2010 (at the John Mayer concert)

“...they gave me dirty looks. I felt better.”

-Chris 20 Aug 2010 (At the John Mayer concert)

“Aids is like human rust. Sooner or later, you’re going to get it.”

-Tyler 08 sept 2010

“Your heart’s in the right place, it’s just in the wrong spot.”

-Tanya 08 sept 2010

“Come on james, it’s a fair trade. I make fun if you for being catholic, and you make fun of me for being gay. Except I’m not gay.” -Me

“Oh Devin, you should be gay.” -YiWei

13092010

“I was not a fond memory.”

-Jesse D 13 sept 2010

“You killed it so hard it became undead”

-Tyler F 20 sept 2010

“If you don’t mind being arrested, click HERE for fast and easy directions.”

-Mom 05 oct 2010 (hurr hurr hur, google maps)

“I prefer my vegetables fried”

-Todd 07 oct 2010

“Pretrial: we drink out coffee black.”

-Riley 13 oct 2010

“There are very few things worth waking up for, and being awake is not one of those.”

18 oct 2010

“I’m getting more tea, because I’m english like that.”

18oct2010

“Everyone has a little depression in their heart.”

09nov2010

“Stop signs are really more like commas.”

09nov2010

“Stop using big knives for dumb things!” (At my brother, who was using a chef’s knife to cut up a banana)

01dec2010

“That’s like playing hookie to go to a funeral!”

-Jesse (talking about skipping work to go see 127 hours) 08 dec 2010

“That’s not an experiment, that’s a party.”

-J Martin (my physio TEACHER) 17 dec 2010

“Fight fire with napalm.”

-Dad 24 dec 2010

“It looked like I knifed a purple telly-tubby.”

Katherine 21 Jan 2011

“You can’t ever get, like, half an electron” -Ms. Falls

“Challenge accepted” -Me

14 feb 2011

“Science is just a human invention.”

-Ms. Falls, my AP Chemistry teacher

14 feb 2011

“The internet on your phone does not count as free reading.”

C. Franke 25 Feb 2011

“The more you know, the more you don’t wanna know”

25feb2011

“Chemistry is a lot more fun when stuff is on fire.”

05 mar 2011

“My nipples are hard! ... for the wrong reason!”

09 mar 2011

“I wanna just drink gallons of hot coco.”

Aloe 24 mar 2011

“If only life had a word bank.”

M. Hubbard 30 mar 2011

“Is that a penguin?! ... nope, it’s Jesus.”

-Drew01april2011

“I don’t like enigmas. Enigmas are boring.”

-Sarah K 13 April 2011

“LET ME FINISH MY COLOURS! *sip*”

-Caitlin 07 May 2011

“Having a migraine is like being hung over, only it’s not your fault and you probably didn’t get laid last night.”

16 May 2011

“Long story short, my dick is in a binder..”

-Stewart 25 May 2011 (his birthday!)

“Pay close attention, I don’t want anyone confused...”

(moments later)
“Okay, I’m very confused...”

-Mom 16 june 2011

More from my head...